Feeling stuck in therapy or going round in circles? Learn the signs therapy may not be working and when it might be time to consider changing therapists.
A very good friend recently texted me this:
“I don’t know what to do Natalie. We’ve had about 15 sessions. It was really helpful at the start but now I feel like we’re going round in circles. Everything keeps coming back to me being the ‘wounded child’. I understand that… but now what?
Every session I leave feeling like I don’t know what we’re doing and nothing is changing.”
I hear versions of this story a lot and usually from new clients describing therapy they had before coming to see me.
They’ll say things like:
“It helped at first, but then we just kept talking about the same things.”
“I understood my patterns… but I didn’t know what to do with that insight.”
“I started leaving sessions feeling confused.”
or the classic
" I don't really know what we talked about"
Many people are afraid to ask:
When should someone change therapists?
Let’s talk about it.
First: Feeling Stuck in Therapy Is Actually Common
Therapy isn’t always a straight line.
Sometimes sessions feel uncomfortable.
Sometimes progress slows down.
Sometimes you revisit the same topic multiple times.
That’s normal.
But… and there is a good but- there’s a difference between:
Working through something difficult
and
Feeling like therapy has no direction anymore.
If sessions regularly leave you thinking:
“What are we actually doing here?”
…it might be time to pause and rethink.
Why people stay in therapy even when it isn’t helping
This is what is tough and you won't hear spoken about much.
Therapy has a built-in power dynamic.
Your therapist is 'the expert'.
They’ve trained for years.
You’re sitting in their room asking for help.
Because of that, many clients feel uncomfortable challenging the process.
They might think:
“They must know what they’re doing.”
“Maybe I’m the problem.”
“I don’t want to offend them.”
"It will be harder to change and go through it all again"
So instead of raising concerns…
they stay.
Sometimes for months.
The conversation most clients avoid
The first step usually isn’t changing therapists.
It’s having a conversation.
A good therapist should be open to feedback about the process.
You could say something simple like:
“I feel like we keep coming back to the same ideas. I understand them, but I’m not sure how to apply them.”
Or:
“Can we talk about what the focus of therapy is right now as I feel a bit confused?”
If you are confused I would also bet your therapist is ( trust me… I have been there)
This kind of conversation can completely change the direction therapy then goes.
It can mean that the therapist might clarify the plan or they adjust the approach.
Ultimately though it reveals something important about what you need.
Sometimes it really is about fit
Most therapists will agree with:
Not every therapist is the right match for every person.
Therapists work in very different ways.
Some focus heavily on childhood and past experiences.
Others are more practical and focused on current behaviour change.
Some sessions are structured.
Others are open and exploratory.
None of these styles are wrong.
Butttt they won’t suit everyone.
And therapy works best when there’s a good fit between you and the therapist.
Signs it might be time to change therapists
If you’re wondering whether to switch therapists, here are a few common signs people mention.
You might be experiencing one of these:
1. You feel like therapy keeps repeating itself
The same insights come up again and again, but nothing changes.
2. You leave sessions feeling confused
You’re not sure what the goal of therapy is anymore.
3. You’ve raised concerns but nothing changes
You tried to talk about it, but the sessions stayed the same.
4. The therapy style doesn’t suit you
For example, you want practical tools but the sessions stay very reflective.
None of these automatically mean your therapist is doing something wrong.
It might simply mean the fit isn’t quite right.
Good Therapists expect this sometimes
One thing I always tell new clients is this:
Finding the right therapist is a bit like finding the right pair of shoes.
Some will technically fit.
But that doesn’t mean they’re comfortable for walking long distances.
A good therapist understands that sometimes another therapist might be a better fit.
And supporting a client to find that person is part of the job.
The goal isn’t keeping clients.
The goal is helping people.
What to do if you think therapy isn’t working
If you’re feeling unsure about therapy, here’s a simple next step.
Before the start of your next session, maybe email your therapist and ask:
“Can we spend a bit of time reviewing how therapy is going?”
This starts an honest conversation.
Final Thought
Therapy should feel like a collaboration and not something you feel stuck inside.
If you’re unsure whether therapy is helping, the most important thing is that you feel able to talk about it.
Because good therapy includes space to ask:
“Is this actually working for me?”
If you’re considering starting therapy, you can read more about how I work as a therapist here.
