How self-compassionate are you really?

(Take the test at the end of this)

Self-compassion isn't a fluffy term or concept. Whether you like the idea of it or not, whether you are able to be self compassionate has huge implications for how you treat yourself.

According to the work of Kristin Neff, it breaks down into six underlying patterns:

• Self-kindness ↔ Self-judgment

• Common humanity ↔ Isolation

• Mindfulness ↔ Over-identification

These very patterns shape how you relate to yourself every day.

People are most aware of when they aren't self compassionate when they come up against failure or rejection. But it isn't as though anyone consciously thinks " I'm going to be harsh to myself here" , it's an automatic process and usually, how we relate to ourselves will have been something we learnt at a young age.

How do you treat yourself when you are struggling?

It’s easy to feel "self-compassionate” when life is going well.

But

What happens inside you when things go wrong? Think about:

• When you make a mistake

• When you feel behind in life

• When you’re overwhelmed

• When you feel like you’re not “enough”

and reflect:

• Do you turn against yourself?

• Or do you stay on your own side?

I find a lot of people can view self compassion as fluffy and weak or that it's just some kind of positive thinking (The way I explain it to clients is that it isn't really a take or leave kind of thing)

Being self compassionate has a direct impact on how you experience your life.

Psychology research shows that people with higher self-compassion:

• recover faster from setbacks

• experience lower levels of anxiety and depression

• feel more emotionally stable and balanced

They learn to work alongside themselves and not against… and yes, it can be learnt

So… how self-compassionate are you?

As is true with anything, you can’t change what you’re not aware of. Most people overestimate how kind they are to themselves because they’ve never actually measured it. There’s a widely used psychological assessment developed by researchers like Kristin Neff that helps you see:

• how you actually treat yourself internally

• where you tend to be harsh vs. supportive

• which patterns are running in the background

It's a helpful starting point for therapy conversations.

Take the test here ( Will take you to Kristen Neff's website)

(It takes about 2–5 minutes, and the results are often more suprising than expected.)